Keep it Fresh and New

It has been said that if you don't have anything to say, type something in your blog anyway. So, I will! I have been very, and I mean, over-the-top, don't even say the word 'baby' in the house. Emotional!! I think I just needed a morning meltdown, where I could blubber and sob and in the end, feel a little better. I just want my baby home now! I'm TIRED of waiting, I'm SICK of no progress. I just want this whole thing over. I think I have said that before, probably because I feel the same way. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow with the traveling notary :) WooHoo! I am hand delivering all the remaining documents (or at least some of these newest ones) to the agency tomorrow. I am so excited to see some progress (albeit little). I want to talk with the Agency about their Vietnam (VN) program, wait times, referral info., medical information and all the other million and one questions I have. That reminds me I should start writing these down. This whole situation makes me feel so helpless and nervous and anxious and stressed and broke. I need to have some funding for this adoption ASAP. We (my mom and I) are still working on refinancing the house and should have this completed (or at least have some timeline) by the end of the month. Noooooowwwww, my mom says, "maybe we should go with the Guatemala program, I really don't think I want to be on a plane to Vietnam for that long." Grrrrr. Make a decision for me already. (That's what it feels like. She is providing a large, almost complete, contribution financially to the adoption from refinancing our house and I don't want to use all the money just to pay for lawyer fees.) I wish the world didn't revolve around money. Gosh, then it would probably be sex or chocolate. It always has to be something. My mind is just racing with all the possibilities and what she doesn't realize it that I already see my child in that country. My son is in VN, my son is already in Guat., my daughter is already in Haiti. This whole wishy-washyness just doesn't work for me. I get too emotionally involved in things and I need to work out all the chess plays before the pieces are even on the board. I CANNOT live without knowing what is going on. That's it. Tomorrow morning I will let her know on the way to the doctor's appointment that I need to stick with Vietnam. I need to talk with the agency about wait times and if they are not astronomically long, then this time I will go with VN. If they are the same as Guat., then I will stick with VN. I can't deal with the back and forth crap. Of all the things to frustrate me and make me break emotionally my choice of country should not be it. Well, I have vented enough. I hope to have grand and wonderful news to share tomorrow. I am hoping that, because the agencies are not having families complete their dossiers (since they expire in 6 months from receipt, or something like that), maybe, once they have some more referrals, I will get one too.

On a side note, I run a home daycare and had an interview with a 10-month-old cutie and his mom, hopefully he will start full-time soon. The extra money would be a lifesaver.