Here's the real site...

Okay, I'm a dork. My new blog site is here. I told ya I was a little slow in the technology department. :)

New Blogging Site

So I've moved sites. I got the idea from MBG. And a mighty big 'Thank You' goes out to her. You can find me here from now on. And I just figured out how to do the hyperlink thingy. Yeah, I'll be doing more of that. What a dork, I seem to find cool stuff after everyone else has mastered it. Also, thanks for all the kind and encouraging words. I think I mentioned that already, but it is so important to me, I just had to say it again.

Working Through It

Thank you so much for all your kind comments. I am contacting as many local agencies that are involved in fost/adopt, but apparently for one of them it takes 2 weeks to get mail from their office (45 min away) to my house. Just bizarre! I'll keep everyone posted. I have plans to fly to Southern California to spend Memorial Day weekend scrapbooking with my best friends and shopping at the outlet malls. It would be fantastic if I have made some progress by then. I am thinking positively that I will. It gives me something to look forward to. Adios. :)

Life sucks sometimes

I wish I could start my blog more positively, but not today. I know, I've fallen off the face of the earth; sorry about that. I wish it was because I have been so busy being a mom. But, no. I have a had a pretty rough couple of months. When my mom was sick she was unable to work (and therefore, unable to make the payment). Our house went into foreclosure in February. Yuck! So I gave my home daycare families notice (my God, that was emotional), got a job directing a preschool center (it's been very low-stress), and moved. I ended up moving to another county, so my paperwork needs to be submitted to a different County Social Worker. I have left numerous messages and still haven't received a call back. I will starting getting 'ugly' come Monday. I have ID'd more waiting children and even got a tip of a young gal in another state that is due in a couple of weeks, she ended up decided she wants a family that lives in the same state as herself. This was another emotional time for me. I find it so hard to be excited for others that have their referrals and children home when I feel like I've lost referral after referral. I know I haven't in all reality, but I think the day I stop allowing myself to get hopeful over a possible situation with an ID'd child where my homestudy has been sent to another state/another SW is the day I need to just give up. I can't do this without caring. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong. Maybe I should be able to want to be a mom and not care who my eventual children are. Maybe I should force myself to detach form the idea of motherhood and having a family. Maybe I should stop caring. I don't thing that is the answer, but how many times can I allow myself to be hurt by this process. I know there are those out there who have gone through so much worse and I will never know what that is like, but this has been so taxing, so sad, so tearful at times. I don't want to keep putting myself in situations where all I feel is desperate or rejected or hurt. ~~~~(Okay, I had to have a minor breakdown, I guess I haven't addressed that issue in writing in a while.)~~~ I know this is what I am meant to do. I have wanted to build my family through adoption since I was 12. I still want to have children. I want to be patient and involved and, quite honestly, done with this whole process. Anyway, enough of my venting. I hope to catch up on all your blogs when I'm not so emotional about the topic.

So much for the updates.

Sorry it's been forever and a day. (Things around here have been emotional and a bit chaotic.) The new agency SW is super nice and he updated my homestudy with an addendum. BUUUUTTTT, the little girl's SW is not accepting anymore homestudy's until they review all they have received so far. I was slightly crushed, but managed not to be completely down-trodden by the news. You really can't rush anything with adoption, even when you've convinced yourself that if you just get this paperwork done sooner it will make all the difference you soon see that time is of the essence (sometimes only to the one(s) adopting), and all you can do is what you can personally do and it may very well depend on someone else and their time line as to how quickly things get accomplished. Through this process I have been able to see how truly impatient I am and how much I am used to getting my way. All very unhealthy habits, I know, so this is attempting to get me in a better frame of mind as far as patience is concerned. I have ID'd many waiting children on www.photolisting.adoption.com and www.jfs.ohio.gov and the California site www.cakidsconnection.com there is also www.adoptuskids.org that I go to quite often. I think it may be much easier to adopt from California, just because I'm already here, but you never know. My SW advises to not send out homestudy info all over the place because you may put yourself in a position where you have to turn children down, which would be terrible, but when one or a sibling group catches your eye, I almost feel bad not responding. Maybe as the weeks progress or if I get a call back from any SW's I would be more motivated to just wait and see how things progress.

I am completing my last foster PRIDE/adoption PRIDE classes given by dss on Saturday and then I have my CPR re-certification after that. The PRIDE classes have been very informative and I have learned a lot, mainly about the foster system and how placement affect children and what the waits are for and all the other dss nitty-gritty. Very interesting. Well, that's about it for now. What's new with everyone else?

I'll keep you in the slow moving loop,
Melanie

Ok, my agency doesn't do it all

Apparently 'the board', whoever this is, doesn't want my agency doing anymore domestic adoptions so I do have to go with the other agency. It's really frustrating to loose another week waiting when I could have actually been doing something. This is not the update I wanted to get this morning. Once my agency gives me a current copy of my international homestudy, I will then forward that and the new agency's application fee to them and then I start a whole new process. It sounds as though a lot of my information can simply be associate with them, such as fingerprints or they can use my most recent copy, such as medical information, reference letters and the like. I hope they truly can get my homestudy done in a week. I have read of many families out there who have been able to get their international HS done in a week, so why not me? It's time something happens with great speed, even if it is something simple like my HS. It also sounds like my longest wait is going to come from the other state and however long their process takes including if I am among other families being considered for this child. (Even though I want ever child to have a home, I want this one to have my home be their forever home, not someone else's.) I joined a couple new Yahoo groups, there aren't too many out there for what I'm looking into, Domestic and Interstate adoption, who knows, once this is done, maybe I'll start one. Maybe I'll just let a whole week go by and surprise everyone with some great news. The new agency director had said that once he receives the copy of my Int'l HS he will call the waiting child's state and see how they need/want the D. HS worded and then he can do his 3 visits and write it the way they need it written. Finally, someone sounds like they are on top of it. This new agency may work out for me in the long run since they seem to know what they are doing.

Blogger!

I just changed my layout and apparently erased/deleted all my bookmarks. I needed to update them, so I guess this weekend will be the time I do it. Sometimes I can't stand blogger.

Wednesday worked out well

My agency is wonderful! I know there are many wonderful agencies out there, and I would like to add mine to the list: www.heartsent.org I found from talking to the director, that they are licensed to do domestic homestudies as well as working with the interstate compact. I couldn't be happier. Changing agencies is always scary or worrisome, especially when there is going to be some distance between them and myself and I may not physically be able to see them. My fear is that their building will be some dumpy double wide in the sticks. I was speechless when I found that my agency will be able to provide me all that I need, including post placement visits and a court finalization report (I only vaguely know what all of this means, but I'm sure I will catch on quickly). I have been looking for Yahoo groups and there seems to be way less of them than are available for those adopting internationally. My social worker will remain the same (good thing I like her) and she use to work for the county, so she may be able to provide me some input on the subject. The one thing I did not love is that my agency is now enforcing (my words, not there's) that families only adopt either domestically or internationally and not work with more than one country With China's long waits they fear that people may adopt once and then pass on a referral at some point down the road because they already have a child. Financially that works out well for me, because if things didn't fall into place in the next few months it would have been next to impossible for me to come up with the money. I don't feel as emotionally distraught as I did when I switched from Guat. to VN, mainly because it seems like there is actually some progress going on. I am hoping my SW isn't swamped, so that she can alter my Homestudy and fax it over tho the waiting child's state by the end of next week. Since I have no idea how long this process may take, I am, of course, hoping for the best. I called to talk to the agency director today to see what the time line would be with my SW, but she was in a meeting this evening. Grrr... I will be calling earlier tomorrow to get a hold of her. I actually feel like I may be making some progress and I guess overall I just want to know who my child is, where they live, what they look like and what size clothes they wear (I know, any excuse to go shopping). I think because some how I feel as though I have saved money this year by not travelling to VN I have talked myself into the idea that I have more money to spend on a child's wardrobe. I'm sure reality will hit when I check my account balance. Well that's all for now. I hope next week or at least tomorrow brings a plethora of updates and good news for everyone, not just me!