The Journey To My Child Begins With The First Step

Here's the real site...

2007-04-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm a dork. My new blog site is here. I told ya I was a little slow in the technology department. :)

New Blogging Site

2007-04-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

So I've moved sites. I got the idea from MBG. And a mighty big 'Thank You' goes out to her. You can find me here from now on. And I just figured out how to do the hyperlink thingy. Yeah, I'll be doing more of that. What a dork, I seem to find cool stuff after everyone else has mastered it. Also, thanks for all the kind and encouraging words. I think I mentioned that already, but it is so important to me, I just had to say it again.

Working Through It

2007-04-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for all your kind comments. I am contacting as many local agencies that are involved in fost/adopt, but apparently for one of them it takes 2 weeks to get mail from their office (45 min away) to my house. Just bizarre! I'll keep everyone posted. I have plans to fly to Southern California to spend Memorial Day weekend scrapbooking with my best friends and shopping at the outlet malls. It would be fantastic if I have made some progress by then. I am thinking positively that I will. It gives me something to look forward to. Adios. :)

Life sucks sometimes

2007-04-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

I wish I could start my blog more positively, but not today. I know, I've fallen off the face of the earth; sorry about that. I wish it was because I have been so busy being a mom. But, no. I have a had a pretty rough couple of months. When my mom was sick she was unable to work (and therefore, unable to make the payment). Our house went into foreclosure in February. Yuck! So I gave my home daycare families notice (my God, that was emotional), got a job directing a preschool center (it's been very low-stress), and moved. I ended up moving to another county, so my paperwork needs to be submitted to a different County Social Worker. I have left numerous messages and still haven't received a call back. I will starting getting 'ugly' come Monday. I have ID'd more waiting children and even got a tip of a young gal in another state that is due in a couple of weeks, she ended up decided she wants a family that lives in the same state as herself. This was another emotional time for me. I find it so hard to be excited for others that have their referrals and children home when I feel like I've lost referral after referral. I know I haven't in all reality, but I think the day I stop allowing myself to get hopeful over a possible situation with an ID'd child where my homestudy has been sent to another state/another SW is the day I need to just give up. I can't do this without caring. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong. Maybe I should be able to want to be a mom and not care who my eventual children are. Maybe I should force myself to detach form the idea of motherhood and having a family. Maybe I should stop caring. I don't thing that is the answer, but how many times can I allow myself to be hurt by this process. I know there are those out there who have gone through so much worse and I will never know what that is like, but this has been so taxing, so sad, so tearful at times. I don't want to keep putting myself in situations where all I feel is desperate or rejected or hurt. ~~~~(Okay, I had to have a minor breakdown, I guess I haven't addressed that issue in writing in a while.)~~~ I know this is what I am meant to do. I have wanted to build my family through adoption since I was 12. I still want to have children. I want to be patient and involved and, quite honestly, done with this whole process. Anyway, enough of my venting. I hope to catch up on all your blogs when I'm not so emotional about the topic.

So much for the updates.

2007-02-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's been forever and a day. (Things around here have been emotional and a bit chaotic.) The new agency SW is super nice and he updated my homestudy with an addendum. BUUUUTTTT, the little girl's SW is not accepting anymore homestudy's until they review all they have received so far. I was slightly crushed, but managed not to be completely down-trodden by the news. You really can't rush anything with adoption, even when you've convinced yourself that if you just get this paperwork done sooner it will make all the difference you soon see that time is of the essence (sometimes only to the one(s) adopting), and all you can do is what you can personally do and it may very well depend on someone else and their time line as to how quickly things get accomplished. Through this process I have been able to see how truly impatient I am and how much I am used to getting my way. All very unhealthy habits, I know, so this is attempting to get me in a better frame of mind as far as patience is concerned. I have ID'd many waiting children on www.photolisting.adoption.com and www.jfs.ohio.gov and the California site www.cakidsconnection.com there is also www.adoptuskids.org that I go to quite often. I think it may be much easier to adopt from California, just because I'm already here, but you never know. My SW advises to not send out homestudy info all over the place because you may put yourself in a position where you have to turn children down, which would be terrible, but when one or a sibling group catches your eye, I almost feel bad not responding. Maybe as the weeks progress or if I get a call back from any SW's I would be more motivated to just wait and see how things progress.

I am completing my last foster PRIDE/adoption PRIDE classes given by dss on Saturday and then I have my CPR re-certification after that. The PRIDE classes have been very informative and I have learned a lot, mainly about the foster system and how placement affect children and what the waits are for and all the other dss nitty-gritty. Very interesting. Well, that's about it for now. What's new with everyone else?

I'll keep you in the slow moving loop,
Melanie

Ok, my agency doesn't do it all

2007-01-05T21:22:00.000-08:00

Apparently 'the board', whoever this is, doesn't want my agency doing anymore domestic adoptions so I do have to go with the other agency. It's really frustrating to loose another week waiting when I could have actually been doing something. This is not the update I wanted to get this morning. Once my agency gives me a current copy of my international homestudy, I will then forward that and the new agency's application fee to them and then I start a whole new process. It sounds as though a lot of my information can simply be associate with them, such as fingerprints or they can use my most recent copy, such as medical information, reference letters and the like. I hope they truly can get my homestudy done in a week. I have read of many families out there who have been able to get their international HS done in a week, so why not me? It's time something happens with great speed, even if it is something simple like my HS. It also sounds like my longest wait is going to come from the other state and however long their process takes including if I am among other families being considered for this child. (Even though I want ever child to have a home, I want this one to have my home be their forever home, not someone else's.) I joined a couple new Yahoo groups, there aren't too many out there for what I'm looking into, Domestic and Interstate adoption, who knows, once this is done, maybe I'll start one. Maybe I'll just let a whole week go by and surprise everyone with some great news. The new agency director had said that once he receives the copy of my Int'l HS he will call the waiting child's state and see how they need/want the D. HS worded and then he can do his 3 visits and write it the way they need it written. Finally, someone sounds like they are on top of it. This new agency may work out for me in the long run since they seem to know what they are doing.

Blogger!

2007-01-05T07:37:00.000-08:00

I just changed my layout and apparently erased/deleted all my bookmarks. I needed to update them, so I guess this weekend will be the time I do it. Sometimes I can't stand blogger.

Wednesday worked out well

2007-01-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

My agency is wonderful! I know there are many wonderful agencies out there, and I would like to add mine to the list: www.heartsent.org I found from talking to the director, that they are licensed to do domestic homestudies as well as working with the interstate compact. I couldn't be happier. Changing agencies is always scary or worrisome, especially when there is going to be some distance between them and myself and I may not physically be able to see them. My fear is that their building will be some dumpy double wide in the sticks. I was speechless when I found that my agency will be able to provide me all that I need, including post placement visits and a court finalization report (I only vaguely know what all of this means, but I'm sure I will catch on quickly). I have been looking for Yahoo groups and there seems to be way less of them than are available for those adopting internationally. My social worker will remain the same (good thing I like her) and she use to work for the county, so she may be able to provide me some input on the subject. The one thing I did not love is that my agency is now enforcing (my words, not there's) that families only adopt either domestically or internationally and not work with more than one country With China's long waits they fear that people may adopt once and then pass on a referral at some point down the road because they already have a child. Financially that works out well for me, because if things didn't fall into place in the next few months it would have been next to impossible for me to come up with the money. I don't feel as emotionally distraught as I did when I switched from Guat. to VN, mainly because it seems like there is actually some progress going on. I am hoping my SW isn't swamped, so that she can alter my Homestudy and fax it over tho the waiting child's state by the end of next week. Since I have no idea how long this process may take, I am, of course, hoping for the best. I called to talk to the agency director today to see what the time line would be with my SW, but she was in a meeting this evening. Grrr... I will be calling earlier tomorrow to get a hold of her. I actually feel like I may be making some progress and I guess overall I just want to know who my child is, where they live, what they look like and what size clothes they wear (I know, any excuse to go shopping). I think because some how I feel as though I have saved money this year by not travelling to VN I have talked myself into the idea that I have more money to spend on a child's wardrobe. I'm sure reality will hit when I check my account balance. Well that's all for now. I hope next week or at least tomorrow brings a plethora of updates and good news for everyone, not just me!

I think I'm back...sort of

2006-12-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

Well. It's almost the new year and there has been way too much going on for me to wait any longer. I am starting this entry on Saturday evening for fear that I will be adding to it for the next few days. First off, an update on my mom: This abdominal abscess (as it was termed by the doctor) ended up being a mess. My mom was in the hospital for what turned into 9 days! Then once she returned home, she wasn't able to get upstairs for about a week or and even then she wasn't able to get into her own bed (she was sleeping in my g-ma's hospital bed, how thankful we are for small blessings), for another few weeks after that. But, it got worse. She went into the doctor for her 10 day checkup and the discharge nurses left a part of a sponge in from a dressing that was in her wound and her skin was healing around it, so, he (the doctor) scheduled another operation to take it out. While in there doin' his thing, he attempted to stitch up her abdominal wall, 'cause it looked a little weak and he doesn't want her to develop a hernia. This second operation took almost 2 hours and seemed to put her back to almost the beginning. She was able to walk up stairs the next day, but just recently was able to get into her own bed. This has been sheer craziness.

Adoption news: I had an interesting last couple of days. Through a friend of a friend (i.e. Yahoo group) I was introduced to the waiting child network. Now, I know such a network existed, maybe network isn't the best word for it, but I never really looked into it. (I had done random searches in the past and the children seemed to be much older than I feel I am ready for, in their teens and such, or they had severe health problems, that I feel unable and unqualified to care for.) Along with that, I was really set on adopting a 'baby' and seeing all the firsts that go along with being a first-time mommy. Buuuut, I did a statewide search and saw the most precious child listed on a site in another state and my Thursday evening and Friday morning were full of calling from the West coast to the East coast to get information. I realized my International homestudy will not qualify so I need to get a domestic one, however I need a specific agency that will work with what is called the Interstate Compact and that was not an easy combo to find. However, just when I was feeling slightly ready to cry and/or give up, I called one last agency and they do both. The Director/SW is out of the office until Wednesday, as is my whole agency, so here I wait. We really must do something about this. The adoption world is filled with far too much waiting. Over my break from blogging my good friend had a new baby girl, Addison Reese, she's too cute for words, but I only heard her say she was tired of waiting the last month or so of her pregnancy, she kept saying. 'it hasn't been too bad', or, 'it doesn't seem like it's really been that long, I've just been so busy'. Well, I think, 'I have been busy too and yet this adoption seems to be taking forever'. I know, it could be worse, but this doesn't seem like the best right now. But, on to more positive things. Here I wait until Wednesday, where I have never been more anxious for it to be Wednesday! I will call my agency first to see if they are licensed to do domestic adoptions, hopefully the answer is yes and my SW can hustle, like in 2 days or less, and complete a domestic homestudy for way less than a new one would cost. Either way, the agency that will help me domestically has said they can complete my homestudy within a week. Since my mom has been healing and I have been the on-call nurse my g-ma has been with my aunt. This will help this homestudy along, because I won't have g-ma connected with it. (Recall fingerprinting issues this summer...grrr) As long as that doesn't send up some type of red flag anywhere. It shouldn't, none of these government offices seem to communicate with each other anyway.

Okay, back to the waiting child: It's a little girl, she's under 5 years old and as cute as can stinkin' be! I have contacted the state she is located in and she is still available. The write-up on her didn't mention any health problems or disabilities, but I'll know more when my domestic homestudy is complete. My other hope/wish/prayer is that the SW will be able to communicate with the state this little girl is in and maybe explain my interest. Some of the children listed on the sites had a hold on them. I'm guessing there was a family interested and/or in the process of adopting them. I still have a lot of assumptions, since I am learning as I go. I have found that domestic adoption, especially through the foster system is thousands less than international. I'm not ready to let go of adopting from Vietnam (mainly because I don't want to mourn that loss, it hurts too much, and I fell I have gone so far, I don't want to stop short), but financially I may have to see what the future holds. In talking to my local dss, the woman I spoke with (who was a little unfriendly at times, maybe she spent too much time with her in-laws over the holidays), mentioned that there are many more babies available through the foster care system than there used to be. She said many times there are low-risk placements, that have a very low chance of the child being returned to their birth mother/family. The example she gave is of the woman who delivers baby #7 when her other 6 have already been taken away and all her family resources are exhausted. The likelihood of her cleaning up her act would be rare. This woman also explained that the state only charges $500 at the finalization as a homestudy fee. I know, I was shocked. I have been saving for Vietnam for months, yet, I think I could scramble up $500! So this will definitely be a path I take in the future.

I think I have rambled on enough, and my fingers are a little numb (too much typing), I'm super excited to see what the future holds, I should have a lot more to say by the end of this week!!!!!

One more thing: I am slowly catching up on every one's blogs and I was so tearful and excited to see all the families that have received referrals, traveled or are traveling any day now. I couldn't be happier to read such great news. I am so pro adoption, now more than ever, and I smile every time I think of the many families that are made through adoption. Happy New Year everyone! Let's make 2007 great and bring home our children this year.

Taking a break

2006-11-04T22:21:00.000-08:00

I finished my letter to CIS asking for a postponement of the fingerprints for g-ma and my mom. The doctors are saying that once my mom gets home (hopefully by Tuesday), she'll need to stay in for at least 4-6 weeks. I have requested that the new fingerprinting appointments be sometime after January 1st. This is really hard, because now, with my new calculations/assumptions, I may not be in Vietnam until August. That seems like almost a year away! I am VERY disappointed. I don't want to shift blame to anyone, but I wish we would have realized the severity of my mom's health weeks ago and most likely I would be preparing my dossier items instead of sitting here typing this. I want to just break down and cry, but no good would come of it. I will be spending the next two months cleaning, nesting and organizing this house, as well as working my butt off to make some money around here, since my mom will be very limited in what she can do for work. Let's home I can literally work my butt off and my thighs as well. That would be a nice little treat.

I'll 'see' you in two months, oh, and I'll be reading your blogs, hoping to hear wonderful travel news. :)

Mom's in the hospital, again

2006-11-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

Sunday was the day from, well you know. My mom has been sick for too long and on Monday she developed a knot under the skin on her stomach (this was the first day she had been out and about and she thought she just did too much), well this 'knot' became worse and Friday evening it turned into some sort of blood blister. *WARNING THIS ENTRY GETS A LITTLE GRAPHIC* Friday evening it burst and, what I know refer to as 'mixed fluids,' came out. Saturday it wasn't too bad. We have wound care items here so I was taking care of it (I thought). But, oh dear, come Sunday, the thing burst/erupted and out of it poured cups of mixed fluids. I called 9-1-1 immediately, as this was now out of my realm of knowledge. They came (7 minutes later), admitted her into the ER, determined that she had a major skin infection, operated and cut/scraped everything out and now she is recovering in the hospital where she finally feels better after more than 7 weeks of feeling like cr@p! This was a very scary few hours, but we survived and I am so glad to see she is on the road to recovery. She has been up walking around and I have finally been sleeping, because I know she is fine. We are hoping she will be home by this weekend. Since she was too sick to get her fingerprints done and surely will not be up to it by Saturday (the last day of my appointment) I will be sending CIS a letter requesting a rescheduling. She will most likely not be able to leave the house for 3 weeks or more so sometime in mid December should be good. I think I am official okay with the additional delays, mainly because I am confident it will all work out in the long run. Maybe this gives my agency some more time to work out any kinks with arranging hotel stays and all the other important things, maybe this gives the US government some more time to hire extra staff in VN to expedite the wait families are going through, maybe my mild mannered, calm child is still groaning inside it's 'far away mommy,' maybe the funding to refinance my home will come through in November since it fell through the second to last day of October, maybe I will be able to save more moolah to really enjoy myself in VN and truly experience the country without feeling like I need to save money in my child's birth country, maybe, maybe, maybe. Anyway, I feel complete with the turn this has taken. Maybe I'm just relieved that my mom is really okay and not much matters after that.

As long as I have a visual of who my child is by Spring '07 I would be a happy lady. Maybe I'll finally get this house clean. Probably not, but maybe. :)

I refuse to change my ticker

2006-10-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today I completed my fingerprints, virtually pain free, except there was metered parking and I had to scrounge, like under seats and in random car pockets, for enough change to feed the meter. I was so worried that this seemingly simple event would be disappointing by receiving a parking ticket, but THANKFULLY, I had enough change and then some. Thank goodness, that was a really close one.

Onto the title of this entry: I know that my countdown is cutting very close (I know, too close), but I refuse to change it until I have a questioned for anything, I-171H, referral, TA, anything. I can pretty much guarantee that I won't be in VN by the middle of Spring, but I hope to have a referral by then so at least I will know who my child is, even if I haven't met them yet. My friends in Southern California are planning on throwing a baby shower at the end of January, middle of February, so it would be nice to be able to tell people the gender of my child, have a name picked out a photo or two also. It just seems so fake without the referral. Again, this is why I wanted the adoption to be on a need-to-know-basis. Oh well, maybe next time.

Friday was a GREAT day

2006-10-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

I checked the mail last night and was gleeful to see my fingerprint appointments in there. I can go as early as Tuesday at 8am. Unfortunately I have to work and that is too short of notice to go and get them done. The offices are open Tue-Sat 8-3:30 so I will be at USCIS at approximately 8:01 next Saturday morning. I am so excited. That took less than a week, since they just got my completed homestudy last Friday. Let's hope this is the start of more progress.

In the mail my mom and I also were invited to my cousins wedding. She is my dad's brothers daughter and I thought that may be weird, but my dad isn't going (he left my mom and I on 1/1/04, it's a long, emotional story), so it felt really nice to be invited, it's in December and the reception is going to be held at a vineyard. Sounds nice.

Friday was definatly a good mail day.

USCIS

2006-10-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

I am wondering if anyone out there knows where I look online to find wait times for processing your I-171h? I looked on the USCIS website and then got distracted and lost my place. I don't have a fingerprinting appointment yet, hopefully by the beginning of next month, but I would like to start stalking USCIS's online network now.

Thanks

New Baby Items

2006-10-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

Here is a photo of the blanket, booties and mittens I found in the cutest of all shops in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Home Sweet Home

2006-10-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

First off, I love my bed. How I missed it so. Our flight back was blissful, only a little bumpy as the weather was rainy in spots and aparently flying through clouds is a bumpy road. The pilot even said, sorry about the turbulence, we didn't see it coming. My trip ended on a terrific note. Andrea from the agency called and GRANDMA"S PRINTS CLEARED. I am heading down there today to hand deliver a cable change notice (since I changed from Guatemala to Vietnam). I already submitted one to the CIS, but they need a hard copy for there records. I am so excited, I'm back to nesting and I love it.

On to the trip...I took more than 350 pictures and the fall colors are great. We saw a lot of lighthouses which I love, the ship was really nice (Carnival wasn't ads bad as I thought. It was super cheap, but the service was really good and our room was always clean. The food was super yummy and the excersions were great, overall I was really pleased). About 4-5 days into the cruise my mom finally felt better, I'm telling you this was the sickest she's been in 30 years or more, it was really bad, thankfully she is feeling much better, she just needs to build her lungs up now so she doesn't catch anything else-ever! When we got in into New York we even saw Will Smith filiming a movie (I didn't have my camera ready and he ran around the corner once I could have taken a picture. I realize I take some really good photos while I'm driving. I'll attached just a few so you don't spend all day, but here ya go. (We started off in Newark and then left out of the port on NY stopped at Boston, Portand, Halifax (where I bought the cute baby blanket, mittens and booties), and St. John and then back to spend a few days in NY. An overall wonderful, much needed trip, now, onto unpacking and laundry.)

Off to the East Coast

2006-09-28T17:43:00.000-07:00

Vacation! It's such a nice word, especially after a really crappy month. I'll hope that while I am gone, everyone who is expecting a referral will get one. Wouldn't that be nice. And hopefully the rest of us 'waiters' can see some progress as well.

Adios.

I should delete the last entry

2006-09-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes no news is good news and ignorance is bliss. I got a call from Andrea and she wanted to give me an update on g-ma's prints. I knew it wasn't good when she started out saying I know you of all people don't want to hear this but. What kind of into is that? Apparently the one person at the DOJ that handles the prints has been out of town for 2 weeks (how nice, a vacation) so Andrea received a call that everyone who submitted prints has been delayed 8-10 weeks!!!! What the? Two and a half months before I possibly hear any update. I am so deflated right now. Fortunately Andrea has talked to the lady at the DOJ a lot and the woman even knows my case as soon as Andrea calls (I guess at a time like this, that is a good thing), so the DOJ lady returns on Monday and Andrea said she will call her by Wednesday or Thursday and see if she can set a priority (please God, I hope so) and then we'll see. I told Andrea I am going to be out of town the first two weeks in October so I will call her when I return, I don't want to hear anything until then. Hopefully her response will be that they have mailed everything off and I will be awaiting a fingerprinting appointment to complete my coveted I-171H. I know I am feeling disappointed because all I want to do is sleep. (I get very avoidant when things are stressful.) That and I have been constant caregiver to my mom while she slowly recovers from the flu from HELL. Part of me thinks at least I will know what it's like to have a sick child in the house. I wake up everything she has her coughing fits and/or vomiting issues and then I spend all day running the home preschool. I will be so very thankful when October gets here. Come on vacation!!! (We are taking an East Coast cruise up to Canada, that should be nice.) This vacation marks a huge milestone in 'The Wait' I will be glad when it begins and even gladder (if that's even a word) when it's over. I just want to proceed and have a face to go with the name. Dear universe, I would really like my referral now, please. I would even settle for a fingerprinting appointment.

Good News?!?!?

2006-09-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

Who knew it was possible, I actually received some decent news from the agency. Andrea, the coordinator hasn't received anything in hand yet, but according to the automated system, g-ma's fingerprints have been reviewed. Hopefully that means they have been rejected a customary second time and that a background check has been completed. This is the final piece missing to complete my homestudy. My SW called to review my information and to make sure nothing has changed, she then said she wanted to make the age range from birth-24 months. I was a little put off by this because I really want a baby not a 22 month old referral. I think it sounds a little selfish, but I want the first teeth and first steps and ba ba ba's and da da ma ma's. She said she would change it from 24 months to 12 months. I just know me and I don't think I could turn down a referral and think that I would be the sole person responsible for not giving a child a home because I wanted a baby. Oh, well, it's not that big of a deal, I'm just fixating over it for nothing. Andrea also said that she is sending out some info to get me started on the dossier. She sent out info for me to complete that does not expire. So far she is hearing that the CIS is taking about 2 weeks to process homestudies and give fingerprinting appointments, and even with my g-ma's prints needing to be done twice I could have my I-171H in 2 months from submission of my homestudy. That would be really nice. Maybe I will have a referral by the first of December instead of the last of December. We'll see. It was just nice to hear some good news on the adoption front.

Good News and Cute Baby Items

2006-09-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

My mom is finally feeling a little better. It turns out she has some evil flu that landed in her intestines. Hence the extreme stomach pain. She is still walking somewhat doubled over and needs help to just get out of the recliner. She has been sleeping in the recliner for the past few days because her bed is too high for her to get into. Hopefully by the middle of next week she will be feeling more like herself.

Since I have been at home the last couple days I have been surfing the net and found some really cute baby stuff. The first (and my favorite) being carseat covers. They are kinda expensive, but can be personalized to whatever colors you want. I love the paris one, but with the white in place of the pink. I talked to the designer and she said she can make any color combo you want. They even have infant seat covers. Too Cute!!! Her website is http://www.emilyjuliette.com/

I also found the cutest pacifiers. I am usually not one that goes the pacifier route, but some of the children I have seen in referral pictures have pacifiers, and if my baby is used to using one then I want them to have that familiar item as well. I found some really cute personalized pacifiers at www.itsmybinky.com They are $5 a piece, but sooo cute.

Hospital Visits

2006-09-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

What a day! I awoke to my mother saying she could no longer deal with the pain and she thought she needed me to take her to the hospital. Let me tell you, when you hear this out of a dead sleep your heart is beating out of your chest. This is also coming from the woman that takes Tylenol 3 times a year or less and hasn't been to the hospital in about 35 years. I tried to rub her back and after just a few moments I brushed my teeth and we were on our way. I feel so bad, because I am so money focused with this adoption that I did not want to call 9-1-1 and have them charge some crazy amount per mile. (We live way too far from the hospital for that.) I also realized I kinda like driving 60+ miles an hour down every two-land road in town with an excuse ('my mom needs to go to the hospital'). This overall was not such a great idea because the roads are so bumpy and uneven that the whole way to the hospital she was moaning and groaning. I felt TERRIBLE. We spent a good 7 hours in the ER to find out that, after the second CT scan, there was nothing showing up. The doctor gave her a prescription for pain pills and sent us on our way. "Come back tomorrow if your not feeling better and we'll run some more tests." That was the end of the doctors advice. It was nice to know there were not operating, but still a little concerning that the pain medication helps her to be able to walk, but she is still not feeling well at all. The doctor thinks it may be some kind of virus or infection in her stomach (and no, she hasn't had any of that tainted E-Coli spinach). She has an appointment tomorrow with a doctor friend of ours, so we will see what 'magic' he can preform to help her feel better. I ask for your prayers and hopefully all of us will have a good/better weekend.

Remembering

2006-09-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

I felt unable to write on September 11th. Just saying the date makes me weepy. There are no words to describe how so many people and families were affected by the events that unfolded on that day. I think I am truly sppechless. I remember where I was and exactly how every hour of the day unfolded until about 3 p.m. I will never forget! I will/have been saying prayers for all the families affected.

I am going to New York in just a few weeks and I will be taking another 300 pictures of so (how I do love photography) of the skyline and sites. I do regret that I never physically saw the twin towers in person. I only went to NY for my first time a year and a month after the towers fell. Again, I am speechless. It really is a bad time for an update.

It's been a while...(ramblings on the adoption wait)

2006-08-31T23:28:00.000-07:00

I know I should be happy to think into the future and know that, by this time next year, I will be holding my little one in my arms. BUUUUUUTTTT...The wait is terrible. It now seems as thought USCIS is taking months to process and review received homestudies. I know I know I have no real need to freak out yet, my homestudy isn't even done, but the extra time is just that, extra time! I think I need to hold out hope that my child is just not born yet and the waiting will work out in the end. I know once I have a referral that is all that truly matters, but for now, I have a bit of tunnel vision and I already want my referral. I hear of all the families traveling or returning home and I want that to be me. Oh well, this too shall pass. (But when?!?!?) I knew I wasn't very patient before I started this, but once I decide on something, I really look forward to it happening with some consistent progress. It seems like everything that gets done takes an extra week. It all just adds up. My grandmother fingerprints (after 2 attempts and 2 1/2 months, I can't even remember how long now) never showed up at the DOJ. They had absolutely no reference of them. I was so frustrated and hurt, because now we get to wait again. She had them done AGAIN on Wednesday and hopefully by Tuesday we will hear that they didn't come back (she's 84 and they never pass the first time) and then I can have them redone and passed with a background check by the end of next week. Realistically I know they will pass by the 15th (hopefully), which is another 1/2 of a month. Then (if the agency doesn't throw one more 'missing' thing at me), my homestudy will be complete, but if the SW still needs to add info to it, it may not be done until the end of September, then 2-3 months (let's hope less, but I doubt it) to review and set up a fingerprinting appointment. Again this will take 2 submissions from g-ma, so there goes another 3 weeks to a month. Then the wait for the ever coveted I-171H (officially considered 'paper ready'). Again another 2-3 months (let's hope far less) and then I can expect a referral. At this pace I may not even have a referral by the end of the year. I guess I was hoping for this because if I was able to stay with the Guatemala program I would have had a referral weeks ago. Even if I would have waited until I was paper ready, I would still have had a referral by the end of the year. It sounds as though USCIS is very backlogged, so maybe, just maybe they will hire some extra help just until the end of the year to process all these waiting homestudies. There are just too many families out there waiting for children. Well enough of this, it just bums me out.

On a happy note, one of my best friends is coming up with her husband and mom this weekend. We are going to hang out in San Francisco and then go to Alcatraz (I've never been) and then scrapbook! WooHoo, sounds like fun. I hope everyone has a great weekend and for all those waiting on the important stuff, like a G & R date and travel approval and the like, I hope Tuesday brings you many happy updates.

Weekly Updates and Breastfeeding

2006-08-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

I did finish the CPA letters. Yikes, that was pricey. I then received a call from Andrea at the agency that she has called the DOJ and they have no record of my g-ma's fingerprints even being done. What! Yeah, no record. G-ma has had them done twice by the mobile fingerprinting people (mfp). They (the mfp), have called the DOJ, after my not so nice message to them. And hopefully I will have some answers by Monday (Andrea left early on Thursdy and was not in the office Friday). This is now the only thing I need to move on and get a fingerprinting appointment so I can finally have my I-171h. I really wish this wasn't so difficult, especially so early on.

I'm also done with people asking me, "sooooo, how is the adoption thing going?!?" I just want to carry around this mug. (The writing in red says, thanks for pointing that out.) I'm kind of tired of answering questions. This ia why I didn't want anyone to know (except for my closest friends and family) until I had a referral. That was my original goal, and quite honestly, the next time I adopt that is the plan I am going to follow. It's so much easier to just be frustrated with the process and not have people keep bringing it up over and over and over again.

In other news. I have decided that I want to breastfeed the baby. I think I am still on the fence a little, but the only thing holding me back would be their age. If I get a young referral (less than 3 or 4 monts) I will definately breastfeed, but if the referral is 5 months or older and I may not travel for 3 months, I probably won't. I have been reading a thousand and one sites on adoptive breastfeeding (abf). Since I had a ton (and still do) questions I went to http://fourfriends.com/abrw/faqs.htm and http://breast-feeding.adoption.com/ (there is so much information here, it is mind-boggeling). It really sounds like it's the best thing for the baby, I just don't want to stress about it and I am not even going to start pumping until I get a referral. I have been reading, of course, more blogs such as milkshake: http://adoptivebreastfeeding.wordpress.com/ and an elephant's gestation: http://imhk.blogspot.com/2006/07/water-from-stone.html. I'm fully against all the pill and drug usage, so I'll have to just pump and see how successful that is. Some is still better than nothing and if the baby is really young, I think it may latch on easier. At first I really wasn't ready for the reation of friends and family, but so far everyone (that matters anyway) has been really for the idea. They want my baby as healty as possible and they don't at all think it's weird. Gosh, I have such great friends.

While I'm on a roll, here are some more super cute sayings and shirts from www.cafepress.com (I did a search for 'infant adoption' and 'paper pregnant'). Okay, blogger won't let me post, I've have to try again later.

CPA grrrrr...

2006-08-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well, my CPA info is off. I sent it FedEx ground when I realized that I had bank statements and important info in there that I didn't want just floating around in USPS space. The CPA hopes that for just under 2 hours he'll have everything done. Well, good thing I paid off one of the credit cards so I can fill it back up again. I'm hoping I can get by for less (let's hope way less) than 500 bucks. I doubt it, but I can keep my fingers crossed, just in case. HOPEFULLY this will be the last item I need to complete my homestudy. I have felt so close and yet so far away for the last couple months. (Yes, I am humming that song by Carole King.) Oh well, off to bed. I hope to have my fingerprinting appointment soon. I need this closer to being done. I know I have just started the process, on May 5th, but I feel like I am progressing s-l-o-w-l-y.

Updates

2006-08-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Not much new around here. I received word from my agency that I need to have CPA notarize a form letter that estimates my upcoming years income from my newly licensed home daycare. Grrr. Just when it looks like everything is going to be nearly done there is one more thing. (Just remembered I need to fax to the agency proof that gma was fingerprinted (TWICE). I am silently cursing the day when, to complete the I-171H, I have to get g-ma fingerprinted twice in San Fran. (nearly an hour away, if there is no traffic). Oh well. Back to calling local CPA's tomorrow. They seem to have the nicest hours, 8-4 M-F. Oh, well, I'll keep you posted.
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In other news, I added the ticker to the top of my blog. I have always, even before I switched to Vietnam, hoped that I would be with my baby by March 15th. I don't want to jinx it, but I do hope that date is true.

Congratulations are in order.

2006-07-30T17:04:00.000-07:00

I wanted to send out a giant congratulations to all who have recently returned home with their Vietnamese treasures and for those that will be traveling soon. For the rest of us waiting, paperchasing, and waiting some more. I pray our patience will sustain us and may we be distracted by mudane (sp?) things and completing housework and projects until our little ones come home. (Maybe that will make the wait easier.)

Click, the movie

2006-07-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow. I was not expecting this movie to be so darn emotional. It sounded like such the stupid far-fetched comedy to go see and lift your spirits. Boy, was I wrong. Granted, it had it's funny moments, but it had a moral. What Adam Sadler movie is supposed to have a moral?!? Oh well. I guess I will have to go back to reading movie reviews so I can know what to expect.

Sheer sadness

2006-07-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

(I just posted this and Blogger ate it. Grrrrr.....)

Today I got a call from my agency's Director that she needed to clarify which country I was going with, Guatemala or Vietnam. She had a note on her desk and wanted to double check. I said I was going with Vietnam and that I had just sent the updated information to CIS. She said okay, because we just got a boy in. As soon as I got off the phone with her I started sobbing uncontrollably. This would have been my son. I could have been posting pictures of my new little guy right here, right now. This is just heartbreaking. I wish money were never an issue. I thought I was a patient person and now I can see, I am not as patient as I would like to be. I am not even that far along in the process and I'm already tired of waiting. I just pray for those that are farther ahead and have been waiting for much longer are able to endure. This is so emotionally difficult at times. I feel sorry for my friends who are trying to be supportive and there is really nothing that they can say or do to make me feel better. If you've never been through it, you really have no idea.

On a positive note: The mobile fingerprinting agency came today to take g-ma's 2nd set of prints. They didn't get them all (she's 84 and very wrinkly-fingered), so hopefully they can just do a background check and see that her record is clean.

Nesting

2006-07-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

Of course I'm nesting, it's midnight, what else would I be doing. Not sleeping! That would be crazy. I just changed the title of my blog to reflect the now new distance to Hanoi (7,474 miles instead of the 2, 522 to Guatemala). I am deleting all my Guatemala references as I am sure I will devote hours of research when I decide to adopt my son from there. Sleep tight, nest tonight, get some sleep another night.

Mark THIS off your list

2006-07-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I couldn't be happier. My medical is done. And my doctor is an ass. I know, that's not very nice, but he is so rude. I really need him to stop suggesting that the only way I am going to be able to avoid cancer is if I get pregnant. Oh, and to share some new findings or laws that the government says or has made about same sex marriages is just not okay. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) It's just that I'm not gay, so I don't follow the gay rights movements or laws, but how nice of him to suggest. Again, what an ass! Let's hope I have very little dealings with him in the future.

I met with the gal in my agency that is working with the Vietnam adoptions and she didn't seem too knowledgeable about the other agency they work with, but I still feel confident that they know what they are doing. Now to collect the info. for my dossier and sent in a country fee for Vietnam. I finally have a country. I wonder how many miles away VN is? I'll have to google that. :)

Keep it Fresh and New

2006-07-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

It has been said that if you don't have anything to say, type something in your blog anyway. So, I will! I have been very, and I mean, over-the-top, don't even say the word 'baby' in the house. Emotional!! I think I just needed a morning meltdown, where I could blubber and sob and in the end, feel a little better. I just want my baby home now! I'm TIRED of waiting, I'm SICK of no progress. I just want this whole thing over. I think I have said that before, probably because I feel the same way. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow with the traveling notary :) WooHoo! I am hand delivering all the remaining documents (or at least some of these newest ones) to the agency tomorrow. I am so excited to see some progress (albeit little). I want to talk with the Agency about their Vietnam (VN) program, wait times, referral info., medical information and all the other million and one questions I have. That reminds me I should start writing these down. This whole situation makes me feel so helpless and nervous and anxious and stressed and broke. I need to have some funding for this adoption ASAP. We (my mom and I) are still working on refinancing the house and should have this completed (or at least have some timeline) by the end of the month. Noooooowwwww, my mom says, "maybe we should go with the Guatemala program, I really don't think I want to be on a plane to Vietnam for that long." Grrrrr. Make a decision for me already. (That's what it feels like. She is providing a large, almost complete, contribution financially to the adoption from refinancing our house and I don't want to use all the money just to pay for lawyer fees.) I wish the world didn't revolve around money. Gosh, then it would probably be sex or chocolate. It always has to be something. My mind is just racing with all the possibilities and what she doesn't realize it that I already see my child in that country. My son is in VN, my son is already in Guat., my daughter is already in Haiti. This whole wishy-washyness just doesn't work for me. I get too emotionally involved in things and I need to work out all the chess plays before the pieces are even on the board. I CANNOT live without knowing what is going on. That's it. Tomorrow morning I will let her know on the way to the doctor's appointment that I need to stick with Vietnam. I need to talk with the agency about wait times and if they are not astronomically long, then this time I will go with VN. If they are the same as Guat., then I will stick with VN. I can't deal with the back and forth crap. Of all the things to frustrate me and make me break emotionally my choice of country should not be it. Well, I have vented enough. I hope to have grand and wonderful news to share tomorrow. I am hoping that, because the agencies are not having families complete their dossiers (since they expire in 6 months from receipt, or something like that), maybe, once they have some more referrals, I will get one too.

On a side note, I run a home daycare and had an interview with a 10-month-old cutie and his mom, hopefully he will start full-time soon. The extra money would be a lifesaver.

Map of Vietnam

2006-07-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

Here is a visual of where I shall be headed (shortly I hope).

Some Updates and Photos

2006-07-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to add some more info. to the timeline:
July 4th Baby crib was put together
July 13th I bought the bedding, and my goodness, it looks so darn cute.
I just love it....Had to share. Oh, by the way...It's from Target. (Say with French accent, it just sounds better.) :) I first saw it online, but not at my local store (darn small towns), but the bigger Target about 45 min. away had the whole collection.

Has it really been this long?

2006-07-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well here is the latest timeline update I have:
June 15th 3:30-4:30 Natalie the SW came for her home visit
June 20th 1:00 Last Insurance Exam (yeah!!! We passed)
June 22nd G-ma's fingerprints from traveling fingerprints completed
Supposed to have a doctors appointment today, the doctor cancelled. :(
The cancellation of my appointment really set me back emotionally. The only day they had to reschedule me is August the 29th. Yes, 2 months later!!! This is the only thing I am missing to complete my homestudy. During this same time we found out that my mothers credit score dropped and mine isn't high enough either. This has delayed us in refinancing the house which is the funding for the adoption. At this point in time I am looking into adopting from Belize because they have very low country fees. You have to do a lot of the leg work yourself and that seems a little daunting, but it is an English speaking country which at least helps for the communication factor.
July 8th 1:30-3:30ish Babies in Hotels Class in Orinda (Guatemala, Eastern Europe and Ethiopia specific)
As my mom said, 'Every time I go to one of these classes it really starts to seem real.' I couldn't agree more. One of the couples that is adopting from Guatemala received there referral a little over a week ago and the wife emailed me pictures. He is so adorable and, of course, it made me cry because I am only a couple of weeks behind them, well I was, so I would have been receiving my referral pretty soon as well. This is just such an emotional journey. Sometimes it seems like maybe it's not even worth it and then before those words even pass your lips, you think, YES IT IS!!! It is just really hard to wait and feel like you are not getting anywhere; and fast.
July 11th Called the Doctor's office to see if they can squeeze me in for an appointment.
Last night I read an email from the agency Yahoo group about Vietnam. They are apparently open, I didn't even know they were closed. There country fee is a lot lower and the process is a lot faster. I emailed my agency last night to get more info. This would be a blessing and I feel a lot more confident about this than Belize. I am within the age requirements and actually starting to get really excited about finding my son (or daughter) in Vietnam. Hopefully I will have better news and a lot sooner.

I finally did it

2006-06-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today is the day. I completed my I-600A and mailed it FedEx ground to CIS (old INS). I should be getting an appointment to do fingerprinting within the next 3 months. I know it sounds like a really long time, but this is one of only a few giant hoops that I need to jump through before my baby comes home. If I understand correctly: My SW will finish my last home visit and then she will collect any information she still needs (so far only my medical information and employment verification is all she needs and then I'm done with the first section of paperwork), and then she will compile my homestudy and send off to CIS as well. CIS will then send me a 2-week window to get my fingerprints done, my mom and g-ma will get theirs done as well, and then I will wait for those to pass. We will probably have to recheck my g-ma prints (she doesn't take good prints, her fingers are too dry and wrinkled) and then I wait for the government to approve me to adopt an foreign-born orphan. THEN the agency can refer the next available infant to me. I will make sure there minimal medical information is okay and then I will fill out the Guatemala forms and wait for that process which takes between 4-6 months to complete. It is mainly waiting for various levels of approval in Guatemala. I am really starting to get excited now. I went in the soon to be nursery to imagine what a closet full of tiny shoes and clothes would look like and a room full of baby furniture. How exciting.

Insurance and SW visit #2

2006-06-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

I finished my first of 2 insurance classes, and after very little studying, I passed the state exam. WooHoo!!! I can officially start selling insurance and have some income to support this baby. I also got a call on Wednesday) that I got my home daycare license. Another big WooHoo!!! Now I can fill my few days that I do watch kids, with more kids. Slightly tiring, yes, but worth the money. Plus in the long run I think it will be good for the baby to be around other kids at least for a few days out of the week.

My second social worker appointment was Wednesday as well and it went wonderfully. My appointments have only been about 40-45 min. each time and that has been nice. I am seriously trying to complete all the necessary paperwork so I can get this show on the road. I still need to do my taxes and get my butt in gear. I so badly want this to happen, but I think I'm a little scared too. I have Saturday open and I need to make a serious effort to file my taxes and then I just need a medical appointment and then I am a few steps closer to being done. Well, at least with the little bit.

Insurance Class Almost Done

2006-05-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I just finished part 1 of my insurance prep test class. I have been stuck inside sitting on bad folding chairs from 8-5 since Monday. I am sore and tired and I have information overload. I am taking my state insurance exam (1 of 2) Thursday afternoon. This will help when I start working for Farmers' Insurance. I am glad the class is done, now I only need to study, take my exam and start hitting up my friends for some insurance. :)

Social Worker Meeting

2006-05-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

I had my first visit with the social worker (SW) on Wednesday and it went really well. She was super nice and it went realy fast. I was done in less than 50 min. I will expand on this issue more later, just wanted to give an update.

2006-05-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

1st Social Worker visit and then some...

2006-05-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

How exciting...I'm meeting my social worker (SW), Natalie, for the first time next week. Wednesday night at 5:30. I am hoping I have no reason to get all weepy. I don't want to get into the 'ugly cry.' I also met with the insurance guy today so I can get some health insurance which I need to have in order to submit forms to the US government to show proof that the baby will be insured as well. Also, I had a mobile fingerprinting agency come out today to take all of our fingerprints. The whole time I'm thinking this is great, they are mobile, how terrific, they come to you how great. Boy was I wrong! What a hassle this ended up being. I thought it would be a small blessing that they are mobile so we don't have to get my 84 year old grandmother out of the house. They had some serious issues with their machine. They weren't able to get my grandmothers fingerprints AT ALL and they weren't able to get a few of my mothers fingers. (That can't be right.) Mine, of course, ended up fine, which still doesn't help the situation as this is one more thing that needs to be completed before I can proceed. Fortunately I foresee many bumps along the road and I should be happy that at least these aren't major and eventually everything will turn out fine. They finally left, but will be back next week to recheck my grandmothers. (God help us, so these go through!)

An email to a friend

2006-05-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from an email I just sent to a friend to give her an update on what's new with me:

"I am adopting internationally (from Guatemala). I am meeting with the social worker next week for my first of three visits. (Sooo exciting.) I am still in the paperchase phase, but determined to get all I can ASAP so that I will only be waiting on the governments to complete their end. I am hoping to have a referral (which is photos and a medical description of a child which I then take to the pediatrician to chart for abnormalities. I can, at this point, accept the referral/child) by the middle of October or early November, possibly soo ner. This then starts the process on the Guatemala side where the lawyer down there submits all my translated forms for review by the government; they do one last DNA test and social worker interview with the birth mother and then I get an appointment with the US consulate in Guatemala to submit more forms and receive a visa for my child. I can do a visit trip (probably 5 days there), once the child and birth mother pass their first (of two) DNA test(s), and then again once I have an appointment date set with the consulate. This is usually two months or so after your visit trip. Everything takes between 9 and 10 months. And I should have the baby home by 5 1/2-6 months old. (Wow, I just re-read that and it's a little confusing, sorry I didn't make that clearer.)"

One Giant Step

2006-05-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

So the journey began some years ago when I knew that I would forever build my family through adoption. Thus begins my story. I went for an Orientation on Saturay, April 29th. I instantly felt at ease. My first thought was that I would arrive at some hole in the wall that smelled back and was dirty. I arrived and there was just the opposite. It was bright and airy. The instructor (is that what she's called) was really nice and not fake nice, real nice. The toys for the children were all clean. They had a family there that had been home for 3 weeks with their little Guatemalan girl. It was nice to see the end product is possible. She looked like she was around 6 months. She was all smiles and played so great, she had adjusted really well. This was very encouraging. After that wonderful orientation I made an appointment with the Director/founder for the following Tuesday, May the 2nd and I was again completely impressed. (I'm not easily impressed either, I'm actually usually looking for something wrong so I can spout out...'see I told ya.') The Director was really nice and not at all pushy and she was very assuring as well. I needed that. I signed papers that day and finally feel like I am expecting. It still feels surreal. I feel like I'm completing an assignment. The paper chase is very easy and frustrating all at the same time. I was told I will most likely be completed in 9-10 months. I hope this is accurate. At first I thought it would easily taike a year or more, so 9 months seems almost too good to be true. On a different note I don't have health insurance (I let it lapse months ago and never paid to reinact it.) I am meeting with the insurance guy Tuesday and hopefully will have proof of insurance in less than a month. This is holding up a lot right now. Grrrr.